i'm sorry
i'm sorry
thank you
thank you
i'm sorry
thank you
for wanting what is
within me though why
do these thoughts of melancholy
pull at the hem of my collar and
throw my head into the walls.
i'm sorry
thank you
compounds are blessing
and ruining my body and mind and
i am so so grateful to finally
embrace a voice in my head
turning my cochlea inwards
endless reverberation throttles my skull
a silent cacophony of
i'm sorry
thank you
i'm sorry
thank you
for all that you've done for me
and in return i destroy
your son unfortunately he was never there
so today i hope for a
magnetic event, a solar flare
send the earth spiraling into
an endless aurora.
i'm sorry
thank you
i'm sorry
thank you
when all falls into clouds of spinning greens and
purples, staring at the sky
everyone will be an artist
stop in the middle of the road
fizzling breakers throwing sparks into the air
the fireflies are all gone anyway.
i'm sorry
thank you
i'm sorry
thank you
to all those little bugs
you never should have been born here
what i tell myself
maybe tonight my pancreas will finally
express this poison as my soul of lacewings
disperse through my veins so that
i may become a flower bed.
i'm sorry
thank you
i'm sorry
thank you
for living from my flesh and maybe
you will still love my emerald eyes
the splitting images of a zygote of truth
fading into whirlwinds of motion and
magnification of noise
i'm sorry
thank you
i'm sorry
thank you
this may be a goodbye
my spindly neck cranes skyward
and the magnetic storm whirls through
my transparent wings maybe through
this window will you finally see what
i wanted to show you.
i'm sorry
thank you
i'm sorry
thank you
i say goodbye again, spiraling into the sky
sudden motions, head rocking back and forth
my limbs falling into disarray, swarming into
discordant shapes
thankfully, a clear sky
a good time for a first flight.
i'm sorry
thank you
i'm sorry
thank you
and the currents begin to carry me
the membranes of my wings illuminated by
the onset of charged particles of
soul or spirit or love or magic, of dust
that disperses my body, tearing me
gently and sweetly my head parts from my body
ripping my muscles, bones evaporating
balancing a candle in each wing
helping me become
true to the earth.

i'm sorry again.
thank you again.
please say goodbye back.