the result of a flawed attempt
i fell in love and now
the one i care about most deeply
realizes that i love them
and i love them so much
even then
i am incapable of placing a walkway beneath their feet
and forcing everything down a moat of
formulaic knots that
are so unwieldy they sit in my mouth
like an egg i force down the throat of
my beloved
and it cracks and shatters and tears
gashes through their throat and i cannot
even hear anything anymore
through the whimper that comes out
of my guilty, disgusting flesh
and rarely in this exchange
a fragment of valueable nutrition
seeps from a yolk that
is stained by a selfish gloss
to numb the wounds
i caused
and then things maybe
change and i say i improve
but its hard to unify
the facts that i am loved and hurt
from my actions that suggest
my lack of humanity.